Totally Awesome Cleaner Removes Lipstick

So, picture this: last Thursday, I was heading out to a friend’s birthday bash. I’d just slapped on my favorite matte red lipstick—the kind that costs a small fortune but promises to survive a tornado.

Naturally, I knocked a full glass of red wine straight onto my white silk blouse. Not just a splash, folks—a total flood. I stood there, frozen, staring at the lipstick-shaped smear that had transferred from my lips to the fabric.

I thought my blouse was toast. You know that sinking feeling—when your brain is already calculating the replacement cost? Yeah, that. I’d tried every stain remover in my cabinet before, and they all failed against lipstick.

But then, my roommate yelled from the kitchen, “Try the Totally Awesome Cleaner!” I laughed. “Totally Awesome”? Seriously? It sounds like something a teenager would name a skateboard trick. But desperation makes you weirdly open-minded.

What is This Stuff, Anyway?

Okay, so Totally Awesome Cleaner (yes, that’s actually the brand name) is this super cheap, concentrated degreaser you can find at dollar stores. I’m talking, like, two bucks a bottle.

It’s clear, smells vaguely of citrus and industrial-strength optimism, and the label promises it can tackle grease, ink, and—apparently—lipstick. I’d ignored it for years because I thought it was a gimmick. Spoiler: I was wrong.

I sprayed a little on the stain, rubbed it gently with a toothbrush (old, clean one!), and rinsed with cold water. The lipstick disappeared. Just… gone. Like a magic trick performed by a tiny janitor.

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The Chemistry of a Miracle (Sort Of)

I’m no scientist—I failed chemistry twice, don’t @ me—but apparently, lipstick is a mix of waxes, oils, and pigments. Most soaps can’t break that down because they’re too gentle.

Totally Awesome Cleaner, however, is a heavy-duty degreaser. It’s designed to cut through kitchen grease, so lipstick oils don’t stand a chance. It’s like sending a sumo wrestler to swat a fly.

And the best part? It didn’t bleach my blouse. I was terrified it would, but the fabric came out looking new. I mean, I still spilled wine on it, but the lipstick? History.

Let’s Talk Real-Life Uses (Because You’ve Got Worse Stains)

Since that night, I’ve become a freak with this stuff. I tested it on a lipstick-stained collar from an old dress shirt—you know, that greasy ring that builds up? Gone in thirty seconds.

On a couch cushion that had a toddler’s toddler-proof lipstick smear? Zapped. On a white kitchen towel I’d given up for dead? Dude, it’s back in rotation.

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I even tried it on a stubborn mascara stain on a pillowcase. Worked like a charm. I’m now tempted to dip my entire laundry load in the stuff, but I’ll restrain myself.

But Wait—The Ironic Part

Here’s the kicker: Totally Awesome Cleaner is marketed as a household cleaner for floors and counters. Not for fabric. No one at the company is probably out there thinking, “Yeah, we’re the lipstick whisperers.”

But that’s the beauty of weird products, right? You find them, you ignore the fake name, and suddenly you’re smarter than every stain. I read a blog comment once where someone claimed it removes Sharpie from walls. I haven’t tested that, but I believe them.

So, I’m now that person. The one who evangelizes about a dollar-store cleaner at parties. My friend Sarah rolled her eyes when I recommended it, but she called me the next day after it saved her blazer. I felt a weird, petty victory.

Tips From a Converted Skeptic

Okay, before you run off to buy a bottle, a few hard-earned lessons. First, always test on an inconspicuous spot—I’m looking at you, delicate silk lovers.

Awesome All Purpose Concentrated Cleaner (128oz) | LA's Totally Awesome

Second, don’t rub too hard, or you’ll push the stain deeper. Blot, blot, blot. And use cold water. Hot water sets lipstick oils faster than you can say “I regret choosing matte ruby.”

Third, if the stain is old or set, mix a tiny bit of the cleaner with baking soda to make a paste. Let it sit for ten minutes. It’s like a spa treatment, but for your shirt.

The Verdict (Spoiler: It’s Glowing)

Look, I’m not saying Totally Awesome Cleaner will solve all your problems. It won’t get you a promotion or fix your love life. But if you’ve ever cried over a lipstick stain on your favorite top, this is your $2 redemption arc.

I keep a bottle under my sink now, next to the other “real” stain removers. They just sit there, judging me for my messy life. Meanwhile, the Totally Awesome bottle works its quiet, degreasing magic.

So, next time you destroy a blouse before a date or a meeting, don’t panic. Just whisper “totally awesome,” grab the spray bottle, and watch the lipstick surrender. You’re welcome.